I did not get betrothed because I thought doing that would guarantee me a good husband. On the contrary, I knew there was a possibility that he could turn into someone awful or perhaps only crazy (read No Fear in Love). I chose to walk to the path of what I call “Biblical Betrothal” because it was a process that adhered to biblical principles (read the Biblical Betrothal Map). Obedience to God is something that we owe to Him as our Creator. Doing things to please Him is a gift out of love and thankfulness for His salvation. While there are also blessings for obedience, often the rewards are going to be experienced in the next life, not this one.
I’m making that clear because I’ve noticed that even people who are on board with restoring this ancient path of betrothal do it from quite a different motivation. The “purity movement” suffered from a sort of “prosperity doctrine” regarding the avoidance of sexual immorality, with teachers proclaiming that if you “save yourself for marriage” you’ll then experience “amazing physical intimacy with your spouse” and even “prevent divorce.” In much the same way, biblical betrothal is touted as the way to get a good spouse and as a simpler and more effective route to marriage. While I guess the potential benefits are a reason to practice betrothal they are not the reason.
Are believers to avoid fornication just for the rewards or is purity something to aim for, regardless of the outcome? With the purity teachings that many received, single Christians who stayed pure until marriage but then found marital intimacy to be less than satisfactory, wound up feeling cheated. They thought that they had made a deal with God! Following God’s ways usually does have practical benefits, but not always. Sometimes the advantages are only spiritual or the prize is reserved for eternity.
In both the maintaining of physical purity and the way we choose and marry a spouse, we need to examine our thoughts and root out any self-seeking motivations. Even if there was no benefit to staying pure (or doing betrothal) would we still do it if we know it is what God wants? This righteous heart-motivation of living in service to God is impossible without fully surrendering to His Lordship, admitting we are sinners, accepting His salvation and being given the ability, through His Spirit.
Read Joshua and Leila's Betrothal Story
