Jonathan and Andrea Testimony

I [Andrea] wanted to share my story as an encouragement for anyone who is in a waiting stage, but especially for young ladies out there who desire to be married in the future. Maybe you are in your late teens and it's becoming clear that there may be a wait ahead of you, maybe you are in your mid twenties, and beginning to wonder if you were wrong about your calling, maybe you are in your thirties, forties, fifties…. I don't know. But what I do know is that our loving Heavenly Father has a perfect and unique plan for each and every one of us if we will patiently allow Him to work in His way, in His time, for our good. I will be the last one to say that waiting is going to be easy, in fact it may be one of the hardest things you've ever been asked to do in your life. There were so many times when I was only "patient" because there was nothing else I could be. And let's be honest, for a lot of us who have had to wait, or are waiting, for marriage, or anything that is very close to our hearts, it is often very hard, and even frustrating, to hear the comments and advice from those around us who have never been through what we are going through. I write this as one who has been there. Maybe our stories will be different, different details, different timing, different frustrations and circumstances…. But I hope, by sharing my story, to encourage you that we serve a God who does not change, is never different. His love and the plan He has for you is just as precious to Him as the love and plan He unfolded for me. So, here is the story of my journey….

 

By the age of ten I knew that my calling in life was to be a homemaker, a wife, and a mother. By twelve I had it all planned out; I would be married at 18, have kids right away, and life would be smooth and perfect. I spent my early teen years learning all I could about running a house, sewing, cooking, preparing myself, and dreaming about the day I would have my own home to take care of. As 18 approached it was pretty clear that my plans were not going to work out.

There's a verse in the Bible that says that the Father's ways are not our ways, and that His thoughts are far higher than our thoughts. And, though I could not understand what He was doing in my life at that time, He has proven to me that this verse is true in so many ways. I grew up in a very conservative family, was homeschooled, and attended a small Messianic congregation. I had a small, but close, group of friends, none of them being young men close to my age. During my teen years I had read several books on the subject of courtship, and what it meant to act as a Godly, set apart young woman in the waiting stage. Among these were Elizabeth Elliot's "Let me be a Woman", "Passion and Purity", and Josh Harris's book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". By my late teens, early twenties, my list of qualifying characteristics for a husband was pretty settled in my mind, and, as I looked at the world around me, it was becoming clear that this guy was going to take an act of God. I've always been a pretty stubborn person, and, although I didn't like the idea of a long wait, I had made up my mind that I would not compromise on this list no matter how long it took for the right man to come along. Marriage was very serious to me, it was for life.

I was looking for a man with these qualities:

- A man sold out to God. One who will have his relationship with Christ first on his list of priorities

- A man who believes in the power and importance of prayer and Bible reading, and will lead our family in this.

- A man who believes in the importance of, and keeps, the 7th day Sabbath, Feasts, new moons, and Biblical dietary laws.

- A man who wants to be the leader and provider for his family and understands the responsibility.

- A man with a gentle, humble spirit and a good sense of humor.

- A man who loves kids, and wants as many as the Father sees fit to give us.

- A man of honesty, good work ethic, and common sense.

- A man who honors and loves his parents, my parents, and values family.

- A man who believes that marriage should be for life.

- A man with a desire for a healthy, simplistic, debt free lifestyle.

- A man who highly values congregational fellowship and will see that we have this if at all possible.

- A man who does not cuss or use foul language.

- A man who has high standards of purity, and modesty.

- A man who will commit to courtship (later this more involved the idea of Betrothal which was introduced to me in my twenty's)

- A thrifty man who shops at second-hand stores.

There were two other things that weren't a must. I really, really wanted him to have blue eyes, and I loved the name Jonathan. So, what were the chances of all these qualities in one young man, and that same young man becoming interested in the quiet young woman who was painfully awkward around most guys? Like I said, it would take an act of God.

 

The year I turned 24 (2010) was one of the hardest years of my life. Eighteen had come and gone long ago. The conviction of my calling had not once wavered, but I found myself very confused and unsettled. My friends and I had started a small business in our early teens selling tzitzit and tallit katans, so this helped to keep me busy and earning money from home, but it was still an emotional year with a lot of questions and searching. There was one day during this year that changed my life and gave me focus. I don't remember the exact date, or even the exact month, but I believe it was either July or August. A man from Voice of the Martyrs was scheduled to speak at our congregation on Saturday, and by a strange series of changed plans, illness in one household, and cat allergies preventing a visit to another home, it happened that this man was to have dinner with my family on Friday night. I didn't think too much about this, it wasn't unusual for my family to have people over for dinner. That day was particularly hard and emotional for me. I remember being in the shower and just crying in frustration, asking God what I was supposed to be doing, was I doing something wrong? Why was life seemingly at a standstill? As usual, there was no answer. The day went on, busy with preparation for the Sabbath, and the man arrived for dinner. Conversation was normal stuff at first, then he shared his amazing testimony, how God had called him out of Islam, how his plan as a young man had been to become a suicide bomber, and how, after becoming a believer, he and his family survived an attack, were hunted down in another country, and escaped to the United States. But then the conversation switched and he started talking to us girls about guarding our hearts, and the dangers of marrying outside the faith. He warned us about the deceptiveness of good looks and money and stylish clothes and men who use these to lure young women astray. He told us that we must test men's motives by the Spirit, look for hearts sold out to Christ when seeking a husband. I thought it was very strange that the conversation had taken this turn, and something stirred in me. Then he talked directly to me. He asked what it was I wanted in life. I shyly told him that I felt called to get married and have a family. He asked me if I knew who I would marry yet, and I shook my head. Then he asked if I was praying for my husband. I said yeah. I don't know if he sensed by my response that my prayers in this area were confused and kind of out of focus at this time or what, because he told me that I needed to start praying specific, focused prayers for my future husband. He said that every time I saw myself in a mirror, to pray for my husband. He said that he felt strongly that if I did this it would happen within the next year. As he was saying his goodbyes later that evening, and shaking hands, he held my hand for a moment and looked into my eyes, I felt God's love and presence so strongly in this man. It was one of the few times in my life that I've felt that God had spoken directly to me through another human being. I thought of the circumstances that had brought this man to our home, that God had called his name in a country across the world that his faithfulness had led him to share his story, and that through changed plans he had ended up at our home. I had the overwhelming sensation that God had specifically brought him here, in the midst of all his travels, to speak hope and direction to me. I don't know if this man was aware of how God was using him during his visit, but I was in awe.

 

Over the next few days I played the conversation over and over in my head. I wanted to pray when I looked in a mirror, but I also wanted something tangible. I decided to start keeping a prayer journal. Every night I would write down my prayer for my future husband wherever he was. So, with this new-found hope and direction, I started.

Two weeks later 3 young men walked into our church. About a month or so earlier my parents had stopped in at our local outreach center and came home mentioning that they had met two young guys while they were there. They didn't say much about it other than that one of them talked a lot, and there was one really quiet one who said his name was "John Brown". "Ha!" I remember remarking sarcastically, "John Brown? Likely story!" We laughed about it and that was pretty much it, till the week when these two, and a friend of theirs, walked into our church. Nothing happened right away. They kept coming every week, and joined us for the Feast of Tabernacles that fall. It was there, while helping to count the nightly offering, that I discovered, on a speeding ticket that had been accidentally tossed in with the money, that it was actually "Jonathan Brown". I remember feeling a strange sensation when I read that. And a few days later I noticed that Jonathan Brown had blue eyes.

Both of us are pretty quiet people, and other than a shy "hello" here and there I don't remember talking to him much at all for the next year and a half. But I was watching. I was still going through some personal struggles and confusion at this time, it's horrible how often we let ourselves get in the way of God and complicate our own lives. But He was growing me, testing me, refining the silliness out of me. In the two years after they started coming the youth of our congregation hung out about every Sabbath, a lot of it at my parent's house. Jon was gradually getting my attention more and more as I observed his kind and gentle personality. When the other young men would stray off into inappropriate conversation Jon would steer it back on track, especially if us young ladies were near. I never saw him flirting with young ladies, in fact he was kind but guarded around them. I noticed he was a hard worker, able to keep a job, and that he lived simply. He was polite to young and old, and I never heard him use crude words or cuss. All this time he had attended the congregation faithfully, and I knew that prayer and Bible study were a priority in his life, as he attended both Bible studies and men's prayer meetings consistently. I began to wonder, and started to pray about what I was noticing. By this time our friends (both those our age and those who were more mature mentors) were trying to set us up, hinting to each of us that the other was interested. I was grateful for this, I trusted the judgement of these friends and knew that they would never encourage us in this direction if they had reservations about Jon's character. I started praying more specifically about Jon, asking that if this was what God had planned that Jon would take the first steps. Jon was very careful during this time to guard his interest, to guard my heart.

 

Despite all the rumors and encouragement, I wasn't even sure of his interest until late fall of 2012. Some friends of ours held a Civil War era ball every Fall at that time, and it was always one of the highlights of the year. As I dressed for the ball I wondered if anything would come to light that evening, and it did. As they announced the Grand March and instructed the men to find a partner, Jon walked straight up to me and asked me for the first dance. We were both a little nervous I think, and it didn't help that people all around us were giggling and making comments. We danced the first two together, and I was tempted to just push it aside as coincidence, till I noticed that I was the only woman who Jon was dancing with that night, if I got asked to dance by a different gentleman Jon just went and talked to someone till it was over and then asked me for the next one. We danced most of the dances together that night. Shortly after this we started chatting occasionally on Facebook, but Jon was still pretty guarded. Our conversations were just friendly get-to-know-you chat, and we still didn't talk much in person. It was sometimes easy for me to think that I had just imagined his interest, or that his interest was just that of a friend.This went on for about 2 months with small, but increasing hints. I continued to pray for signs that I was on the right track, and that if this was God's will that Jon would make his intentions open and clear. One Sabbath in early January of 2013 the youth went to Culver's after sunset. I ended up sitting at the table in the chair next to Jon's. It was normal young people chatter, Jon seemed his usual self, and I was wondering if anything was going to come of all this or not. The next morning my Dad asked me to sit down at the kitchen table. My mom sat down with us and my Dad asked me if I was aware that, the Sabbath afternoon before, Jon had asked for his permission to court me with intent to marry. I hadn't had a clue! Jon had seemed perfectly at ease the evening before as we sat next to each other at the restaurant! I can't really describe everything that went through my head and heart. I was thrilled, honored, stunned that it had finally happened, and excited! But the thing that washed over me the most was peace. I will be the first to tell you that Jon and I didn't really know each other at this point, not details at least. We still rarely spoke in person. But I knew his character. I had been watching him for 2 years now. From the moment Dad said those words there wasn't a doubt in my mind that it was done, and it would be. I had perfect overwhelming peace that Jon was the man I was to marry. With my assurance that I was in favor of this, and the knowledge that I had been praying about Jon for almost a year now, my parents said they would talk and pray about the idea. They had no immediate concerns, they just felt that they needed to get to know Jon better. Dad had dinner with Jon soon after and they talked about things from his side. They also had each of us separately answer a list of over 130 questions for potential suitors that they had found on-line, covering everything from our past, to our beliefs, our relationships with our parents, plans for the future, our hobbies, interests, theology, even hygiene habits. When my parents had looked it all over, and we were allowed to read each others answers, I was amazed at how perfectly our answers worked together. In some instances our answers were almost word for word. Our pasts were different, but I had no concerns for our future, there was still an overwhelming sense of peace.

 

Even though Jon and I were sure, my parents were taking longer to come to that point, and we weren't about to bypass their authority. We wanted their blessing, and giving their daughter away wasn't something they took lightly. Both Jon and I knew they wanted to be sure before giving their consent. Dad told Jon to start coming over more often and hang out with our family. But a little over a week later, on the 22nd of January, 2013 my Dad gave us his permission to court with intent to marry. He wanted us to get to know each other for at least a year or two before any other plans were made. Jon and I were a little disappointed at this news, both of us had learned about betrothal shortly before, and even though we hadn't talked about it much we both knew that this was the path we wanted to take, and we were more than comfortable with it and had hoped to be on it right away. We both respected my parent's wishes however, and decided to put it in God's hands. We were just happy that everything was in the open now, and to be able to spend time with each other as we waited for their permission to marry. During this time Jon came over to our house several times a week. We played games and sat around campfires. From the beginning my parents had been very clear that we weren't to spend much time alone together, and in my early teens I had decided that I would save my first kiss for the man I married. Jon had high standards too, so we all had the same ideas about limited physical contact and maintaining purity during this time. We held hands sometimes, and there was an occasional sideways goodbye hug, but that was it. One month later, on February 22nd a vase with a single red rose was given to me. On March 13th as we went our separate ways after the weekly Bible study Jon quietly told me that he loved me. What had formerly been hidden interest was quickly becoming open love. This would be followed by two roses on March 22nd. It was his intention to make it to a dozen, but in April my Dad told us that he was comfortable with the wedding being any time after the first of August, four months away! We were blown away at this announcement. We had been expecting to wait at least a year before anything happened, and now, if we wanted to, we could be married in four months!

 

There was a lot to do. We shared with my parents our hopes of going through the betrothal process. We loved the picture it gave of the Church waiting for the Messiah, and the purity, anticipation, and joy that came with it. Eventually, it was decided that our betrothal ceremony would be held on June 9th. The ancient practice of betrothal is a very foreign idea in our culture. It basically breaks a wedding into two separate parts. Beginning with a shared piece of bread, a glass of wine, and a covenant of marriage that cannot be broken except by divorce, it is followed by a time of separation when the man goes to prepare a place for his bride and the wedding feast, and the woman prepares herself for her bridegroom. She doesn't know how long the bridegroom will take, so she is ready while she waits because the groom could come for her at any time! When the bridegroom has everything prepared, he sends his messengers to alert the bride that he is coming! She quickly dresses and is ready when he appears. All the days of waiting and anticipation are ended with the wedding feast, and great joy and gladness as the bride and groom are joined into one, never to be parted again. Jon and I wanted to follow this practice as closely as we could. In the weeks that followed we wrote our covenant and created our Ketubah together. Jon purchased our rings since we planned on exchanging them at the betrothal ceremony, we decided generally what we wanted our wedding to look like, and ordered the invitations. Because of the separation between the betrothal ceremony and the wedding we needed to get as much planned out as possible before that time. The first time we went anywhere together alone was to get our marriage license. The wedding might not be till August, but we would be legally married at our betrothal on June 9th. Sunday, June 9th arrived. My friends and I went to the location early to decorate. It was a beautiful, mild evening and a small crowd gathered together, just close friends and family. We shared a meal together, then Jon and I went forward for the ceremony. We started by washing each others feet, then shared a glass of the fruit of the vine, and ate bread together. Mr. Botkin explained each step as the ceremony proceeded. We read our parts of the covenant to each other and exchanged our simple white gold wedding bands.

This Ketubah witnesses before God and all these present that on the 9th day of June in the year 2013 the holy covenant of marriage was entered into between the bridegroom Jonathan Michael Brown and the bride Andrea Leigh Cox. Then the bridegroom said to the bride, "I will love you as Messiah Yeshua loved the Body and gave Himself for her. I will provide and care for you according to the Word of God." and the bride said to the groom, "I will respect, love, cherish, and submit to you as unto the Lord." And each said to the other, "I commit myself to you all the days of my life."

We signed both our Ketubah and marriage license, and our Fathers came up to sign the Ketubah as witnesses. Then we all sang a hymn and the ceremony was complete.

 

Later that evening, after all was cleaned up and everyone had gone, I gave Jon the three prayer journals I had filled with prayers for him in the years before. In the months of separation to come I wanted him to be able to read them and know how much he was loved and prayed for. We shared our first kisses and Jon left me with a tight hug, and the promise that he was going to prepare a place for me. Our separation time wasn't perfect. We both attended the same congregation every week so we were bound to see each other, but we tried not to make eye contact and didn't talk to each other. You can imagine how weird this must have seemed to the people around us! They just got betrothed and now they aren't talking to each other? It gave us a lot of opportunities to share what we were trying to do and why, and it made an impression on people. I had several friends comment to me how they had really been thinking about what we were doing, and how we, as the Messiah's bride should be waiting with the same longing and anticipation of His return. The visual we were giving people was powerful.

During this time we wrote letters back and forth. And sometimes they would mysteriously appear in the morning, having been delivered at some point during the night. One evening my friends and I decided to have a sleep-over and were camped out in the gazebo off my parent's deck. Late that night we heard a car stop on the road and someone sneaking up to the deck. Little did Jon know that the one he was trying to avoid was there watching him the whole time! He had a bit of a start when he realized the gazebo was full of young women giggling at him! One Sabbath I woke up to find a vase of roses on the front deck with a note. I might not have been able to see him, but he was constantly reminding me that he was there and that he loved me. I had started making my wedding gown and veil early in our courtship (one sign of how sure I was!), it was white linen with an empire waist, lace, and chiffon sleeves. It was all very surreal as I made it. All of this had been so long in coming that it still felt like a dream. But time and time again during the preparation and planning stage I had the intense feeling that God was smiling on us, that He was thrilled at what He was doing in our lives, that He was taking immense joy in what He was creating. It was an amazing feeling. And there, always, was the feeling of perfect trust and peace.

 

On Sunday, August 11th 2013 we woke up to a gorgeous sunny day with a slight breeze and mild temperatures. Little known to me, the campground where we celebrate the Feast of Tabernacles was full of movement and preparation that afternoon. Benches were being moved outside for seating, tables were put up and decorated and chairs placed around them, the chuppah was put up and decorated, the sound equipment set up, jars with candles were hung in the trees in the dancing area, and friends were traveling on their way to join us for the big day. Our family was at home, and it was well after lunch when we heard the sound of Shofars blowing in the distance. It got louder and louder and my knees began to get shaky as the realization of what was happening hit me. I had suspicions that it might be this day (I didn't think Jon would wait much longer than he had too), but the fact that it was really and finally happening was overwhelming. A convertible filled to overflowing with our friends and wedding attendants pulled into the driveway, shofars blowing and the cry, "The bridegroom is coming!" sounding loudly. It was an amazing moment. They stayed for a short while, and there were lots of hugs and excitement before they headed back to the campground for final preparations. We had decided beforehand that I would have an hour's notice to get ready. My family all got dressed and ready to go, and my sister helped me into my wedding gown before they left to join the others. It was a very happy moment when I saw Jon's car pull into the driveway and I met him on the deck with a long warm hug. It had been a little over two months apart, and it had been enough! We arrived at the campground close to 5:00 p.m. and were surrounded with loving family and friends. The weather was perfect, one of the most beautiful days of that summer. The woods made a peaceful and rustic backdrop for the chuppah and it was amazing to be sharing this moment in a place that had brought so many years of memories and friends. Jon and our bridal party walked slowly to the front and then my Dad and I walked down the aisle as an instrumental version of "The King of Love My Shepherd Is" played in the background. My dad gave a short message, and our parents came up and read some verses we had chosen. Then Mr. Botkin explained a bit about the betrothal process, that this was the second step in our union. We said simple vows to each other again for the sake of those who weren't at our first ceremony, and a dear friend sang "O Perfect Love". We then had a time when family and friends could come forward and say a blessing, a prayer, or give a bit of advice. This was one of my favorite parts of our wedding, as couples, and individuals came forward to share our joy and bless us with their wisdom and experiences. Faces I had grown up with, friends, new family members. It was a very special time. Because of the rustic location, we had thrown together a simple meal and the evening was relaxed as people visited and caught up with old friends. We had asked individual ladies to bring cakes, instead of having one big wedding cake, and there were so many delicious choices to pick from. When the sun got low the tree candles were lit and dancing was announced. Once again the Civil War dances brought people together, and there was such joy as we all danced into the evening. Jon and I left quietly, after saying our goodbyes to family, close friends, and friends who had driven far to join us. It all seemed like a dream as we drove off together. The wait had seemed so long, and then life had changed so quickly. But I felt a perfect peace being there with Jon, there was no nervousness, no self-consciousness, nothing but a feeling of total wholeness, peace, and home. As we live life together it never ceases to amaze me how perfect our personalities are for each other. We have some different interests, different views on some things, but somehow it all works together. He truly is my soul's mate, my other half.

"It seems so long ago that I started these prayer journals… so much searching and loneliness, but Father you had it under control! All those times I felt like it was all hopeless, You saw the big picture. Father, never let me forget the lessons I've learned through the past 10 years… That we only see a very tiny part when you see it all… That you love to bless a people who serve you faithfully, and that your ways are so beautifully beyond anything that we could dream… Thank you Father for the blessing you have given me… a man who loves me, but loves you more… a gentle and kind man who makes me feel safe… a man with beautiful eyes of blue and a name that fits so perfectly ("Jonathan" means "God's gracious gift"). Jon is all the things I used to believe impossible to roll into one young man… and yet there he is… and he loves me!" ~ Prayer Journal, June 5th 2013

 

It's always nice when God gives you glimpses of the big picture, shows us the reason why He seemed so long in answering our prayers. The day I turned eighteen and was so disappointed because my plans weren't working out, Jon was living about 10 miles away, and he was only 16 years old! The Father was working in his life, bringing him through his own journey. The fact is, our paths weren't ready to meet until God had everything, and everyone, prepared. And when that moment came everything fell into place in a way that only God can orchestrate. Writing this story down has been a good and refreshing reminder of this…. after the wedding the waiting wasn't over. I expected to have a baby right away and for life to be smooth and perfect, right back to the plans of a twelve-year-old. And, once again, my plans weren't His. It's now been almost four years and we are still waiting for our first child, but once again at one of the hardest times the Father sent a new friend to bring encouragement, hope, and focus. He is always there, listening to our cries, even when He seems silent. My friend recently reminded me of the fact that in times when we don't understand what the Father is doing, and life seems unfair, we need to remember that we only see a small piece of the puzzle. There is a reason, and His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts far higher than ours. His timing is not based on our wants. Like a loving Father, His timing is based on what will ultimately be best for us. Through fire and testing His desire is to cleanse us till we are vessels ready for His gifts to be poured into. He loves to bless His faithful people with what is good and perfect. We just need to trust, and wait.

Reposted with permission from Searching Ancient Paths Blog